When I asked myself this question, I thought the best place to start would be a dictionary. I was however surprised to find the definition of the verb ‘to father’ simply states ‘when a man fathers a child, he makes a woman pregnant and their child is born.’ In comparison the verb ‘to mother’ is defined as a woman who ‘looks after it and brings it up, usually because she is its mother.’ It became apparent very quickly that these roles, as defined in the English language, are based on out-dated stereotypes of gender within the family. I was shocked.
How can something as impartial as the Collins Online dictionary be so… wrong?
Gender ideologies refer to the “attitudes regarding the appropriate roles, rights, and responsibilities of women and men in society” (Kroska, 2007). Traditionally, men’s roles are associated with rational work and women’s with practical and emotional work. In many societies, domestic responsibility and childcare are still considered ‘women’s work’ because they are perceived to be ‘naturally good at it.’
But if gender stereotypes are based on attitudes, and we are frequently told that attitudes towards men and women are changing, then why or how does gendered labour division in the home continue to persist today?
In 1950s media, middle-class women were often portrayed as the ‘perfect housewife,’ and despite how far I thought we had come, this image continues to influence perceptions today and to reinforce the gender roles in the household.
A brief scroll through Instagram or TikTok reveals numerous ‘mum hacks’ aimed at women performing domestic tasks, promising to make domestic life easier. These hacks show women how to meal prep and feed a household, how to clean different areas of a house with alternative utensils and even how to ‘keep daddy happy’. Conversely, ‘dad hacks’ often depict men performing domestic tasks in a humorous or minimal-effort manner, such as turning on a washing machine from the comfort of a living room chair, whilst still watching sport and drinking beer.
These snapshots imply that this is the norm in contemporary family life and perpetuate the stereotype that women are more likely to handle the majority of domestic chores and family care.
So, is our society today absent-mindedly absorbing these biased ideologies from the mass media and attempting to uphold these standards of the perfect housewife and the minimal-effort dad, thus perpetuating these stereotypes, or are we striving to change attitudes?
Well, unfortunately I found that legislation also reflects these stereotypes. When I looked up ‘maternity leave’ I found that women are afforded up to 52 weeks. In contrast, ‘paternity leave’ grants men only 1-2 weeks of leave. This disparity assumes that women will predominantly take on the caregiving responsibilities, which aligns with the current reality where the majority of domestic labourers are still women.
Marxist feminists argue that this division stems from the belief that it is the women's role to reproduce the labour force, and prepare the next generation for their participation in the capitalist market and whilst women are suppressed into this role, it ultimately benefits the economy. This is evident in that the gender pay gap persists, with women typically earning less in the workforce than their male counterparts. Consequently, families may find themselves financially better off if the father returns to work sooner. This helps explain why even when couples are eligible for shared parental leave, only 1-5% take it up. Due to legislation and financial disparities in the workforce, it has become a cultural norm for women to assume the role of primary caregivers at home.
As a result, we often still assume that a father will take on a more passive role in the family. He is the one that will go to work and is responsible for providing financial stability, along with food and a safe place to live. Whilst still an integral part of the family, he is often seen as one that is devoid of emotional intelligence, detached from their own emotions and their children. Whereas the mother’s role is often presumed to be much more nurturing and affectionate. It is a role which is often perceived as being warm and kind, one that provides both physical and emotional care for the children in the home.
Yet, my dad is and always has been, a 'family man'—the provider? Yes, employed full-time and able to support his family economically, but also the affectionate and nurturing figure in the home.
He is everything to me.
As a child he was my pillow, my first aider, the funniest man I knew, my own personal chef and a fixer of all things broken. As I grew and went off to school, he became a boundary setter, a teacher, coach and taxi driver for both myself and friends. In adulthood, he has become my friend, confidant, therapist, financial adviser, drinking buddy, and sometimes even the honest opinion that I don’t always want. He has adapted and evolved as I have grown and our relationship has changed.
It would be unfair and unjust to simply define his role as ‘a man [who] makes a woman pregnant’ as our dictionary suggests. He is and has always been so much more and I think it’s about time we changed this definition.
Despite media portrayals, not all women are passively accepting the ‘housewife’ role, and more men are taking on domestic responsibilities. While stereotypes remain largely unchanged, contemporary society shows signs of a shift in roles.
In today's society, is it not true that the distinctions between the roles of 'mother' and 'father' have become increasingly blurred?
With more couples sharing household responsibilities, and the care of their children, shouldn't we be considering redefining motherhood and fatherhood simply as 'parenthood'?
Shouldn't media perceptions evolve to reflect this change? Shouldn't legislation be updated accordingly? And shouldn't someone inform Collins Online dictionary that it's time to step out of the 1950s?
I am incredibly proud of my dad. He has effortlessly, and without any ulterior motive, other than to ensure his children are raised with love and care, shattered the persistent stereotype.
To all those fathers who defy this stereotype every day, and who grow and evolve alongside their children – Happy Father's Day!
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