7 weeks in

I wrote this piece when I was 7 weeks postpartum with my son. It was my first full term pregnancy and I experienced DMER symptoms and postpartum depression to a drastic degree. There were days it was hard to look at both my kids, who are my miracles. This piece highlights the guilt and dysphoria that accompanied those symptoms. 

[For support with postpartum depression you can speak to Pandas https://pandasfoundation.org.uk/how-we-can-support-you/ and Mind also has a useful list of support options https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/postnatal-depression-and-perinatal-mental-health/useful-contacts/]

Why can't I love you? I promise I do.

But when I hear you cry, my head hurts,

And my heart stings. 

I can't bring myself to hold you. 

I can't bring myself to sing. 

Why can't I love you? I promise I do.

But you won't stop crying, and I can't nurse you,

So I feel like I can't nurture you,

And I want to stop trying. 

Why can't I love you? I promise I do.