For Baby Loss Awareness week 2023 I wanted to share my experience of pregnancy loss. It's such a common experience but we hush it up. The secrecy makes it harder to deal with, and the term 'miscarriage' really doesn't help.
Here goes:
I thought that I had immunised myself against pregnancy loss. I knew how common it is and I thought that I wasn't emotionally invested in my pregnancy.
I was So Wrong.
The physical pain was astronomical and the sensation of having all of that material falling out of me was, and still is, harrowing. But all of that is nothing in comparison to the emotional side.
The grief is unshakeable. It follows me around and catches me unawares really quite often.
I was lucky. I got pregnant again relatively quickly and now have a daughter who is happy and healthy and great. I honestly thought that that would be some kind of solution. Like it would bring me some closure.
For me though, if anything it made my loss hurt more. Before I had my daughter, my previous pregnancy felt more hypothetical. Now I see how much I really lost.
As more time passed and the pain got less raw, it occurred to me that the term miscarriage is brutal:
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